I am a Rock

First things first….

Please watch this…

Simon & Garfunkel “I Am A Rock” originally release August, 1965 Rec-recorded and included later on their “Sound Of Silence” album, January, 1966


This song has had so much meaning and relevance throughout my life… It fit when I was still a child, when it was first released. I was rock and an island even then. So many times between then and now, when it should not have fit at all, it did fit so well… Now I sit on the doorstep of 60. Looking back at a life that has become meaningless in so many ways. It may as well have never existed, and maybe I may as well have never existed as well?

Of course, someone out there is going to comment about the things I have done that have a difference in someone’s life, good or bad. Sure… I’ve done good things. I’ve done bad things. The problem for me is that most people who have meant something to me, that I thought I meant something to, well, they seem to have a good memory and have kept an attentive record of every misdeed, mistake, and misstep, I’ve ever made. While at the same time they being totally blind and conveniently forgetting, or taking the time to see, or recognize any good thing I’ve ever done, for them or anyone else. That is, only what serves their purpose, will they acknowledge. If I hadn’t been here, hadn’t ever done anything good for anyone, sure the world would be different. But, would it matter? I think not…

For years, I’ve pondered, wondered, what the true meaning and definition of love really was. What gives love meaning? What gives love life? What is the energy in love that you can feel, that radiates, and is timeless? Real love is timeless. Real love never dies.

It’s been a lifelong goal of mine. To know love, to exist within love and have it surround me. To feel it because it’s just there. Love for me. It requires no thought or effort on my part to feel it, because it’s something that exists within its own right and is completely out of my control. True love cannot be forced, nor denied, and has an energy and a will of its own. You can’t make anyone love you, nor stop any from loving you that truly does.

In learning what I’ve learned, that true love has a character, life and energy of its own, I also had to learn an ugly truth. You can’t kill love, but you can mortally wound it, with anger. Love doesn’t die, but will exist in this mortally wounded and excruciatingly painful state. It never dies. Then, neither does the pain from it. Broken hearts. They last forever. A broken heart can’t be fixed, cured, mended, in any way, except for one. That one and only way, is through love.

A broken heart isn’t a sadness or a longing. It’s just a simple fact of existence. One could spend a lifetime looking… Waiting… Hoping… That one day the broken heart would heal and the pain would stop. When doors are closed, kept shut, and forgotten… When love, commitments, and forgiveness, are traded like a commodity… It makes for an unreal world, an existence without meaning because the feelings and the people within in, including yourself, are not real… It’s a place of madness because nothing is real, and without reality nothing matters or lasts… If the good doesn’t matter, then the bad cannot matter either, nor anything in between… The closest analogy I can come up with is that this place of being would be called “limbo”. Doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do, what you think or don’t think, what you feel or don’t feel, because nothing is real and nothing really matters. Living within a broken heart is an empty, lonely place. I believe that’s why so many souls look for an escape, an exit, a way out, of any means. Some choose an existence within a realm of superficial lies and falsehoods. A place that they manufacture for themselves. Too often with the help of others like themselves because there are just so many that are the same… Drugs and alcohol make doing that easier. Crutches, so to speak. Some others simply decide to take the big step in to oblivion, what ever awaits beyond this existence. People are human, and humans are not perfect, nor always strong enough to endure what life brings to them.

People will think things, conjure up ideas, stories, and facts in their own minds, then accept all of it as absolute truth. They find a few things which they lock on to, then call that what is. In fact, they never take the time to understand, digest, and see the whole picture. Taking things out of context, good or bad, is easy and convenient to do. That’s why I believe it’s so common. Believing someone is good or bad, which ever way they are already biased, will happen. I’ve seen some evil and dirty people get placed in a pigeon-hole of honor and trust, when they absolutely did not deserve that recognition of good. I’ve also seen some honorable and trustworthy people get placed in a pigeon-hole deserved by only the most evil and dirty of all, when they absolutely did not deserve that condemnation. People, human beings, that judge forget one thing important thing… They make mistakes, and all too often their judgement is misplaced, mistimed, and invalid.

I’ve been pigeon-holed by some as evil. I’ve been pigeon-holed by some as good. All are wrong, at least to some degree, simply because of the fact that I’m human and imperfect, just as they are. People forget that life is a journey of change and of learning, at least if you’re awake and paying attention! Every “Saint” has a “closet” with some old bones in it. Every “Sinner” has scrolls citing good deeds of merit. So really, who is anyone to judge another, except for God?

Who are You today? At this moment? Who am I today? At the same moment? This moment, and the next immediate moment, it’s the only place where we exist. You cannot change the past once it’s done. You cannot make the future until it becomes this moment. So it’s only this moment that serves as a place to measure anything from. Just this moment, and that’s all. Each and every step is a “Leap Of Faith”. Nothing more or less. Once you get that, you become fearless. You become a creature that can endure. You live life, one step, one moment, one leap at a time, unconcerned whether or not there will be a next. The pain goes on… But, so do you.

For any other lost and lonely souls out there, those that know the existence, those that know the pain, I think of you every day. I know that we are not the weak ones. Without effort, without action, we honor and recognize one another. Blessings upon all of you.

I am an Island.

I salute you.  ~ Mike

About offworldengineer

Still alone. Still Alive. Still Unbroken.
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